so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
