I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she smelled like a LAN party
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
