My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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