hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
