k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm bleeding and have questions
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
