so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
