Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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