i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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