you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
