at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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