but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
