I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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