I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
