you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
