Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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