I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
