Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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