College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
