glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
