I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
