We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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