How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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