Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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