had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
