My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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