if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
