Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
