Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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