I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
