They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
