It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
