Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
