My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
