She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
