why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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