Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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