wanna go halves on a baby?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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