i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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