yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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