There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
