Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
