A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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