she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
