I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
