just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
