you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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