My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
