That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
