How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
