they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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