I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
