Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
