Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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