this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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