Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
