We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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