I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
