would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
