Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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